If You’re Haunted by “What If” and “If Only” – This $12 Book Might Be the Kindest Thing You Read All Year by Jared Harding Wilson (My honest thoughts on The Midnight Library by Matt Haig, three Christmases later)

by Jared Harding Wilson

Three Christmases ago (2022), we were in full-on frugal mode—every spare dollar and mile was being hoarded for adventures. So the gift I slipped into my wife’s stocking was nothing fancy: just a cheap paperback copy of The Midnight Library by Matt Haig that caught my eye.

One of the best book purchases I have ever made!

We started it right after the holidays—I’d read out loud while she listened, usually with hot cocoa or herbal tea in hand (we’re LDS, so that’s our cozy vibe). We kept going on planes and trains during a quick Europe trip a few months later, on quiet evenings, any moment we could steal. By the time we finished, we were both a little teary and a whole lot grateful.

Almost-no-spoilers version:

Nora feels like her life is one long string of regrets and missed chances. Then one extraordinary night she steps into a mysterious library where every book is a different life she could have lived—the Olympian, the rock star, the one where she never let that person go. She gets to try them on.

And here’s the part that hit us hard: none of those “greener” lives are perfect. Every single one still has its own struggles, heartaches, and trade-offs.

We laughed at how real it felt, paused to talk about our own late-night “what-if” spirals, and by the end we were just holding hands, ridiculously thankful for this exact messy, beautiful, mile-hacking, grocery-store-picnic life we already have.

If you’re reading this and, like Nora (or like most of us at some point), you’re carrying the heavy weight of “I should have…” or “If only I had…”, please be gentle with yourself. Some of the most hopeful stories ever written have come from people who once sat in the darkest places and still found light. Regrets—big ones, small ones, the ones that still sting—don’t mean you’re broken or behind. This story met us right in that tender place and whispered that maybe, just maybe, there’s still beauty and purpose exactly where you are.

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf once said, “Though we are incomplete, God is not finished with us yet. We are invited to keep moving forward in faith, trusting that the Savior’s grace is sufficient to help us become everything He knows we can become.” That promise feels like the quiet heartbeat underneath the whole story—none of us have to have it all figured out today.

Three years later, that slightly dog-eared paperback is still one of the first ones I think of whenever a friend mentions they’re feeling stuck or weighed down by regrets. I really need to start buying extra copies, because I’d hand it out in a heartbeat.

Quick, safe trivia:

•  Matt Haig wrote it after his own battle with depression and anxiety; the hope in it feels hard-won and honest.

•  It was a Reese’s Book Club pick and there’s a movie coming (fingers crossed).

•  It’s the rare bestseller that actually feels like a warm hug from someone who gets it.

So yeah… not the grandest gift I’ve ever given my wife. Just a $12 paperback that quietly reminded us—again and again—that the life we’re already living is worth choosing every single day.

If you’ve ever lain awake wondering “What if I’d done it differently?”—grab this book. Read it slow. Maybe read it out loud with someone you love.

Your turn: What book has surprised you and stuck with you years later? Drop it in the comments—I’m always looking for the next one to read together.

(Still choosing this perfectly ordinary, perfectly ours life—every single day.)

Photo by Jared Harding Wilson. All rights reserved.